I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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