Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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