The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How does one acquire holy water?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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