FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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