i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
