she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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