I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
