Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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