No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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