ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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