Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
