Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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