oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
