These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
