Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
