I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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