I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
