Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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