cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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