Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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