Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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