My liver just broke up with me...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
