I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
