when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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