last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
