sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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