I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
