He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
