dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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