im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
