My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
