Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
