You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So many bounce houses so little time
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
