Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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