White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
