we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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