we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
