We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
