Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
