i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
