I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
