I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
