So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
