You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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