I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
