My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
When are your genitals available?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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