I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
