I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
