Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
