I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
