I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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