i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
