So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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