I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I need to calm my uterus...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
