it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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